I'm sorry my penis didn't work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
