On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
