After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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