Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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