Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
