Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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