he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
