well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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