You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
