He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
