If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
