She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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