before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
