tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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