But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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