I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
