remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
