I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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