drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
