Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
NoShamevember. You game?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
