Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
