my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
