you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
