I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize