If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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