How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
