If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
