I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
