He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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