He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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