Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
