He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
