I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
