I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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