We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
