I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
