Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
