I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
