the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
