i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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