I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
