I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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