If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
