Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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