Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
