no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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