i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
