Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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