I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
