No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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