Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
