one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
