somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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