So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
