the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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