I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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