i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Enjoy the penises
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I party with great urgency now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
