I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
