i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
