and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
