Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
