Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
