found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
