First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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