even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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