8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
