dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
