We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
