The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
