If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Mom said you looked used
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
